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Tell Me Something True (Ray/Mikey, Frank/Gerard) Part 2 of 2
Master Post
Part One
Second Summer, 2012
They've been on the road forever. Too long. There's dust caked in the bandanna covering Ray's mouth, so much he can taste it through the fabric, and he's thirsty, so fucking thirsty. There's a mouthful or two of water left in his canteen, but he won't take it, not yet, not until he knows there's more coming.
His bike weaves a little on the road and he blinks, shakes his head inside his helmet, telling himself to wake the fuck up. He hears Mikey's bike cruise up before he sees him. Mikey's head turns in his colourful helmet, checking Ray's awake and alert, not about to tip his bike sideways in exhaustion and dust himself on a lonely stretch out the back of Zone 3.
Ray reaches up to tap his helmet in a salute at Mikey. He can't see Mikey's face through his Good Luck stripes but the incline of his head tells him Mikey's okay.
It's nearly another hour before they get back to the bolthole they're staying in. This one's less shit than the last two. It's a derelict gas station, small but with doors that actually close. They've even managed to seal the broken windows up so you can breathe without getting a mouthful of dust every time the wind picks up. The old attached shop isn't wind-proofed, but it's big enough to fit both the bikes and the Trans Am. Since they've been parking them indoors there have been fewer problems with overheating from dust and sand in the engines, so it's worth the cramped living conditions. Mostly.
The Trans Am is already there when they park their bikes. Frank and Gerard are back from their run early. That means either really good news or really fucking bad news.
Hopefully it’s good news - that they managed to find someone to trade with for food and supplies and it won't be dog food for dinner again.
Ray kicks out the stand on his bike and pulls off his helmet. It's some old diver's helmet Gerard traded for, probably no use at all for protection if Ray's bike ever goes down, but it keeps the sand mostly out of his face when he's riding. He hooks it over the handlebars of his bike and turns in time to see Mikey ducking out of his own helmet, shaking his hair and releasing puffs of dust into the air. He shrugs out of his jacket, sweat patches dark on the yellow shirt he wears underneath and making the fabric cling to his lean body.
Mikey catches Ray watching him. Ray quickly turns, digging through his saddlebags for the precious cargo of silicon chips and batteries. Mikey doesn't wait for Ray, just heads straight into the cramped former convenience store. Ray follows a few steps behind, spotting Frank inside. He's perched up on the old counter top, swinging his legs and eating something that sounds crisp.
Frank throws something at him as soon as Ray's in the door. Ray catches the green blur without a thought and finds himself staring at a fucking honest-to-god apple. He rubs his thumb over the shiny surface and gapes, first at the apple, then at Frank.
Really fucking good news then.
"I'm not imagining this, am I?" Ray asks. He presses the apple to his mouth, not to take a bite, not yet, just feeling the waxy skin cool against his lips. He breathes in, smelling the clean scent of real not-fucked-with food. It's fucking miraculous.
"Fuck no, you're not," Frank says. He grins proudly and catches Gerard's waist as he tries to slide past the counter, dragging him close to lean on his shoulder. Gerard rolls his eyes, but leans back into Frank anyway, patiently listening as Frank explains how he's so fucking awesome. "Hot Rod's lead checked out - there's a grow-op like less than an hour northeast." Frank twirls the apple in his hand. "This shit's fucking hydroponic."
Well, that makes sense. It's not like anything can grow in the ground anymore. Ray's given up on getting depressed over thinking about that.
"So everything's milkshake then?" Mikey asks, plucking the apple out of Ray's hand and pressing it to his nose. Ray can't blame him for wanting to take a whiff, it smells fucking amazing.
"Except for the fucking dust storm Doctor D transmitted about. That's gonna suck," Frank says. He grumbles into Gerard's shoulder, who just hooks his arm behind his head to scratch Frank's neck. As a couple, they can be weirdly tactile sometimes. Well, most of the time.
"Not another one," Mikey groans, and Ray echoes it. They were trapped indoors for nearly a week during the last dust storm. Despite having toured for years, there's something about storms that makes Ray stir crazy. Being stuck inside, unable to get out, to get away. At least touring was on the go.
"When?" Ray asks.
"It'll probably hit us early tomorrow." Gerard tells him.
Ray sighs. At least they've got supplies. Nothing worse than being bored and hungry. And they won't have to deal with any dracs either; no one will be going anywhere until the dust literally settles.
Mikey offers Ray back his apple, but Ray just presses it back into Mikey's hand with a small smile. It'll never taste as good as it smells anyway.
He goes for his tools, because if there's gonna be dust, he's gonna make damn sure as much of it as possible stays outside.
***
The storm hits before the sun is up and the first rush of grains hitting the windows wakes Ray up. He crawls from a nest of sleeping bags to press his nose to the window, watching the orange-brown haze outside through the milky light of pre-dawn. It's weirdly beautiful, in a desolate way, and Ray drinks in the sight while he can still make out stuff. In a few hours there'll be nothing visible through these windows but an orange haze.
He turns back to the pile of sleeping bags. Frank and Gerard are still out for the count, curled around each other under the overhang of what was once a rack of candy. He's just pushing up off the window when he notices that Mikey's not asleep. He's lying still, but his eyes are open, like he's been watching Ray. His features are softened by sleep and his hair's all fucked up. He looks younger than he has in years.
Ray walks back to kneel on the bedding.
"Nothing to see yet," he whispers to Mikey, not wanting to disturb the other two. "Dust and more dust."
Mikey smiles, small and lopsided. "I can see what I need to," he says, his voice soft and a little blurry.
"You may as well go back to sleep. Plenty of time to be bored later." Ray slides down to lie on his back on the pile of bedding that’s never soft enough. Mikey rolls closer, tucking his head into Ray's side and throwing a skinny arm over Ray's chest. His elbow is poking Ray in a way that's a little uncomfortable, but aside from that it's kind of nice. Ray's known the Ways long enough that his area of personal space has shrunk to nothing. With temperatures plummeting the way they do at night, he often finds himself playing bed warmer for Mikey, as Frank and Gerard have each other. Today is no exception.
Ray falls asleep with Mikey's fingers tucked into the back pocket of his jeans. It's nice.
When he wakes up for the second time the storm's really hit. It's not just the light scratching of sand grains on the window anymore. It's the fully-blown howling wind, shaking doors, sand-scraping-on-glass dust storm. He lies with his eyes closed for a long moment, just listening, not ready to face it yet. When he opens his eyes Mikey's looking at him, like he either sensed Ray was awake or he was just watching him sleep - Ray's not sure which.
It should be weird, but it's strangely comforting.
***
It doesn't take long before cabin fever kicks in. In fact, it takes a depressingly short period of time. Usually, Ray can last a day or two by just keeping himself distracted - Frankensteining up a computer, putting together cables or whipping up some poppers. The problem is he doesn't have anything to work on. Kind of. He could probably make something up but he just can't keep his mind in it today.
It doesn't help that Frank and Gerard are locked in the back room and making it so fucking obvious how they plan to pass the time. Luckily, the dust storm is loud. Ray is spared from having to actually hear them fuck, but still, talking around it with Mikey is exhausting. Eventually Ray stops bothering.
"They're gonna have to eat at some point, right?" Ray asks with a smirk, throwing a hand toward the door that's been closed since this morning.
"You think so?" Mikey says, barely looking up from the strange freeform origami he's creating from a few pages of an old Shiny mag.
Ray slouches over the counter, fighting the urge to pick up Mikey's weird paper cyber-penguin. All he can hear is the howl of the wind and the scratch of sand at the windows. Then Mikey sighs, leaning back from his paper creations. "I miss it." His voice is soft; Ray can barely hear it over the sounds of the storm.
"Miss what?"
Mikey looks up at Ray, tilting his head to the side and quirking an eyebrow.
Oh right, sex. Of course that's what he means. Fuck, Ray is dumb.
He struggles to find something reassuring to say, but he winds up getting stuck in a memory of a hotel room from years ago, and the offer Mikey made him. The offer he never took up.
Not for the first time, he wonders if that was the right call. If offer still stands.
Not for the first time he pushes the thought from his mind, grins at Mikey and changes the subject.
***
With the sandstorm at its zenith there's nothing to see outside at all. There isn't much to see inside either, and Ray's been staring at all of it for hours now.
The room he and Mikey are in feels so much smaller now they've been stuck in it for so long. Ray knows every rack and crate. He's read everything with text on it, from Mikey's precious comics to the warning sticker on the back of the old broken drinks fridge. Ray's ready the claw the walls down. Frank and Gerard still haven't emerged, though some rhythmic thumping earlier proved they were alive and made Mikey frown down at his hands.
After spending a huge chunk of his life touring, Ray knows a lot of time-killing activities and he's tried all of them. Well, almost all of them.
If he doesn't count the ones he can't do due to rationing their power there's really only one he hasn't tried. But of course, jerking off is not an option. As much as he would really, really like it to be, there is nowhere even remotely private in the tiny shop area where he could rub one out. At least on tour they had bunks, with curtains. It was really only ever an illusion of privacy, Ray unfortunately knows what every one of his bandmates sound like when they come, but it was something. Zonerunning is worse than life before in so many ways, including the fact that most of the time there isn't even a curtain, that thin, wispy illusion of privacy anymore.
The last time Ray got off he had to point his bike into the sun and ride out on his own. He wound up somewhere on the edge of Zone 4, leaning hard on the bike, eyes closed against the too-bright sun, sweating in his jacket, undone jeans hanging open. He'd shot his load onto the ground and kicked dirt over it after. It was too fast and uncomfortable to be really satisfying but if it were on offer again Ray would fucking take it.
Of course, it's not on offer. Nothing is. Ray lowers himself onto their pile of sleeping bags and stretches his arms and legs out into a starfish. He's so fucking bored.
Mikey puts down whatever distraction he had going and scuffs the three paces from one end of the room to the other, sitting beside Ray. He's quiet today. On the surface it seems like he's handling the storm better, but there's a tension around his eyes that gives him away.
Mikey lies down next to Ray, leaning his head against Ray's arm with a sigh Ray barely hears over the incessant wind. For long moments the only soundtrack is the wind and the occasional noise from the next room which they both pretend not to hear.
Mikey slides his fingers absently down Ray's arm, sending a shiver up his skin. "Tell me something true, Ray," he says.
Ray tries to find some new trivia, some weird, amazing fact he hasn't used before, but he can't, he’s too focused on the warm pinpoints of Mikey’s fingers on his skin. Besides, he's already told Mikey all of his useless facts. He settles for honesty instead.
"I fucking hate dust."
Mikey laughs, rich and deep and musical. It's more laughter than the comment deserves, but it's good to hear Mikey laugh. Ray joins in, letting the vibrations loosen his chest.
"I fucking hate it too," Mikey says, rolling his body into Ray's and curling up. Ray lies still for a long time, just enjoying the warmth of Mikey's body against his, fighting the urge to pet Mikey’s hair.
***
Ray must fall asleep eventually, because he wakes up feeling weird and unsettled, like something woke him. It's dark out now; they slept through sundown and the room is bathed in a soft orange glow from one of their gas lamps. Frank and Gerard must have emerged from the store room at some point to light it, but there’s no sign of them now.
Ray blinks up at the ceiling, trying to figure what woke him, straining to hear anything over the noise of the dust storm outside. He can't.
It's not until he stretches, back arching up off the floor and his hard-on pressing up against the fly of his jeans, that he figures it out.
Fuck.
Ray rolls over onto his side, putting his back to Mikey. He glances around half heartedly, but it’s just him and Mikey in the room. From the cadence of Mikey's breathing he's out for the count. Ray could throw one of the sleeping bags over his lap and call it a curtain, call it privacy. Shit, he can't even believe he's even considering it, but fuck. He's so fucking hard. It's been so long.
He rolls back enough that he can look back at Mikey. He's asleep, pretty heavily Ray thinks, between his breathing and the relaxed curve of his mouth. Ray's eyes lock on Mikey's face for a moment, the dark curve of his eyelashes, his impossibly sculpted cheekbones.
Unbidden, memories flits into Ray's mind of sounds leaking from behind Mikey's curtain on quiet nights on the road, breathy, deep moans. Choked off noises that made Ray’s dick clench, a lot like it is right now.
Oh, fuck it. Ray rolls back onto his side, facing away from Mikey. He'll be quick. Quick and silent. Mikey's asleep anyway, so it doesn't count.
He flicks the button on his jeans open, trying to do it soundlessly, but the rasp of cloth as he slips his hand inside still sounds too loud. He takes a careful breath as he threads his fingers under the waistband of his underwear, following the run of crisp hairs that trail down his belly to his dick.
Fuck. Fuck it's been too long. Just the touch of his own hand feels incredible. He's so fucking hard already, his dick hot and damp under his fingers. He wraps them around his cock in a firm grip, letting the pre-come help his hand to slide as he jerks it, just gently at first, trying not to move too much because every movement makes noise and Mikey's right fucking there.
He grabs a corner of one of the old sleeping bags and pulls it over his lap. It's not much cover but it makes him feel a little better. He lets his eyes slide shut and keeps his hand moving, slow and careful and fuck, it's good. He's missed this. He needs it. He bites down on his lip, forming a tight ring with his index finger which rubs up over the sensitive head of his dick just right. His head rolls to the side, face pressing against the messy sheets, mouth open.
It doesn't take long before he's on a knife edge, so fucking close it's hard to keep his breathing quiet. He's jerking off with his right hand, his good hand, but his arm is crushed under his weight and the lack of elbow room affects his strokes. He swallows a frustrated noise and rolls onto his back, and fuck, that's it, now the angle's perfect. He barely gets three more strokes before he's suppressing a groan, breathing hard through his nose, curling up. His body shakes as he comes hard, hot and satisfying.
The buzz runs through his bloodstream, sweat all over his skin. It takes him a moment to wake up to himself. To where he is. What he just did.
He breathes slowly through his mouth and opens his eyes to find Mikey looking right back at him.
It's like a punch in the gut. All the air rushes out of Ray's lungs. His stomach flips over and his heart - which was already beating pretty fast - starts pounding somewhere around his throat.
Mikey doesn't even flinch. He doesn't even pretend not to be looking at Ray. Ray watches, unable to tear his eyes away despite the heat burning in his cheeks, as Mikey sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.
Then Ray notices the way the sheet in front of Mikey's crotch is shifting, the way his arm is moving.
Fuck. Mikey's jerking off, right now, right in front of Ray.
Ray's mouth goes dry and his heartbeat shoots up impossibly fast. Suddenly every inch of his body is burning up; everywhere his clothes touch his sweat-slick skin feels suffocating.
Mikey's mouth drops open, his head lolling to the side, but he doesn't take his eyes off Ray, and he doesn't fucking stop.
Ray should stop looking. He should roll the fuck over and close his eyes and forget what he's seen and let everything go back to the way it was. Except it won't and who the fuck is he kidding anyway, this isn't the first time he's thought about Mikey with his hand on his dick.
But that's not why he keeps looking. His eyes dart over every part of Mikey he can see, from the jut of his chin to the curve of his collarbone, just visible above the gaping neck of his stretched-out t-shirt.
He keeps looking, because he can tell Mikey wants him too.
And he's fucking beautiful.
Especially when his eyes slide close, his mouth falls wide and he lets out a long breath that starts on an "ah", letting Ray see the way his body shakes, the way his cheeks flush with colour as he comes. There's a crease between his eyebrows and his face screws up, so lost in it, not hiding anything. It's so intense, so fucking intimate, Ray could come a second time just from seeing it.
Right at the moment when Ray would close his eyes and bite his lip, and just ride it out, sink down into the afterglow - that is the moment Mikey opens his eyes. He watches Ray watch him and he doesn't look away, bury his head in his arm or close his eyes. He lets Ray see it all happen and yet Ray feels like he's the one being put on the spot.
Mikey's eyes hold onto Ray's for an endless moment, dark and hypnotic in the half light. Ray can't think. He can barely breathe. He knows he should say something, do something, but he doesn't know what.
His hands ache to reach out to Mikey, but he's got come on his fingers and he just... fuck, he just doesn't know.
Mikey bites his lip, and it's not the sexy way he did earlier. It's the nervous way he does right before they’re due on stage, or when they're about to bust down a door that'll probably have dracs on the other side of it, when he's so unsure of himself he can't hide it behind a carefully schooled look.
Ray doesn't want to be the cause of that look, but he still doesn't move.
Mikey moves first, rolling onto his back with a sigh. When Ray continues to stay silent, Mikey shifts onto his side, facing away from Ray, the sleeping bags and sheets sliding against each other way too loudly in the too-quiet room.
"Night, Ray," he says, his voice too soft.
"Night, Mikey." Ray's voice is rough, gravelly and dry. He knows he's copping out but he can't help it. He's got nothing.
He lies there with his own mess all over his belly, a hot burn in his cheeks, and no idea what this means.
No fucking idea.
Long after Mikey's steady breathing tells Ray he's asleep, Ray's brain is still whirling.
His eyes trace over the lines of Mikey's body in the barely-light, the angular jut of his shoulder above the blankets, the fall of his hair across the pillow. There’s a familiar warmth in Ray’s chest, the one that means Mikey to him, the one he usually pushes down. He wonders if he can push it down again, this time. If he can forget the heat he saw in Mikey's eyes tonight. If he can try to force things back to the way they were.
He doesn't want to.
So much for being the last straight guy in the band.
***
"Did you break Mikey?"
Ray blinks, squinting into the too-bright sunshine, barely awake. His head's all fuzzy and Gerard is a little out of focus where he’s standing over Ray in his nest of messy sheets.
"What?" Ray croaks, fuck his mouth is so dry. He struggles to sit up.
Gerard, who's getting in sharper focus by the second, quirks an eyebrow at Ray. "He was gone when we got up," he says, tossing down a torn corner of an old cardboard box. It's got Back later - M written across it in Mikey's scrawl. Ray stares at it. "What happened?" Gerard asks.
Mikey's gone? Ray looks up and realises that he's squinting because there's sunlight filtering in the windows. For the first time in days he's not listening to the howl of wind and patter of sand against the glass. The storm is over.
"Nothing happened." Ray doesn't even believe himself.
Gerard tilts his head, frowning. "You're such a bad liar."
Ray knows that. But he can't talk to Gerard about this when he hasn't even figured it out himself, not to mention he's still got dried come on his stomach from jerking off with his brother last night. He rubs a hand over his face. "I know. Give me a few, okay?"
He leaves his palm over his eyes until booted footsteps and the shift of shadows in his peripheral vision tell him Gerard's left the room. His muscles creak as he crawls out of bed.
It's one of those times he'd kill for a shower, but he has to settle for a scrub over his skin with a damp rag. It's wholly unsatisfying, but it gives him some time to clear his head.
When he goes back inside the gas station, Gerard's sitting up on the bench arranging Mikey's various origami creations into the shape of a V on the cracked surface. Ray swallows a sigh and walks over, resting his elbows on the bench top next to the cyber penguin.
"So, did you guys have a fight or something?" Gerard asks, his eyes boring holes into Ray's fro. Ray picks up the penguin, unbalancing the V formation.
"It wasn't a fight," Ray says, keeping his eyes carefully downcast, but his skin betrays him, his cheeks burning warm behind his fro.
Gerard reaches forward, pushing Ray's hair aside and cool air hits Ray's cheeks.
"No fucking way." Ray winces at how quickly Gerard's putting it together. "No way. Tell me, right now. You and Mikey?"
Ray nods, keeping his eyes on a crack in the bench top, bending and un-bending the penguin's wings like it's trying to fly.
"So why'd he take off then?" Gerard sounds equal parts thoughtful and suspicious. "What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything."
Gerard tugs the penguin from Ray's hands so he has to stop fiddling with it. "That doesn't add up."
Ray finally looks up at Gerard. "No, Gerard, I didn't do anything. That's the problem."
Gerard's mouth screws to the side, like when he's trying to figure out what goes on under the hood of the Trans Am. Finally he says, very seriously, "I don’t know if you've noticed, but he's kind of hung up on you."
Ray pushes up off the bench, pacing a little for an excuse not to look at Gerard. "I guess I'm kind of hung up on him, too. I just, don't know what I'm supposed to do about it." He stops pacing and looks at Gerard, confused and helpless.
Gerard shrugs and jumps down from the bench. "Try saying what you just said, but to the right brother."
Of course it would be that obvious.
***
When Mikey gets back from wherever the hell he went, he's quiet and covered in dust. He dumps his helmet, lets Gerard hug him and hides himself away in the store room with one of his battered comics. He doesn't even look at Ray.
Gerard, who is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, glares at Ray and tugs at the collar of Frank's worn t-shirt.
"C'mon babe, we should go get that stuff."
"What stuff?" Frank looks up, a crease between his eyebrows. He's curled up in one of the not-quite-broken deck chairs, legs all twisted up in a way that should be uncomfortable, unless you're Frank.
Gerard turns his glare from Ray to Frank, until Frank sighs and extracts himself from his pretzel-like position in the chair. "Fine. But I still have no idea what you're talking about."
"I'll tell you in the car," Gerard says, wrapping his fingers around Frank's wrist and dragging him to the door. He's got one foot outside when he turns back to look at Ray from the doorway. "We probably won't be back before sundown." The look he gives Ray is pretty clear - he better fucking talk to Mikey by then. He might as well have locked Ray and Mikey in a closet for seven minutes.
Gerard ducks out of the doorway and Ray can hear the rumble of the Trans Am engine turning over. Great, there's no way he can get out of talking to Mikey now. Pity he has no idea what to say.
May as well get it over with, Ray tells himself, because it's not like he's going to have a sudden revelation in the next few hours, and as much as he’d like to pretend he’s not afraid of Gerard’s wrath, he kind of is. A little.
In the storeroom, Mikey's curled up on a mound of clothes and bedding of questionable cleanliness, his spindly legs folded up under him. Ray's eyes get stuck on Mikey's fingers, absently scratching at his knee through a hole in his jeans as he leafs through his battered Spiderman comic for the millionth time. Ray watches him, feeling a little breathless.
He chews his lip, debating with himself. He's never been that good with words - that's Gerard's thing. Fuck, this would be so much easier if Ray had a guitar. Then he could just play Mikey the right combination of songs and maybe he'd get it. Unfortunately, the collection of patched-together instruments they use for Mad Gear shows are in storage with Dr D. All Ray's got are his own vocal chords, which are completely failing him.
He sits down beside Mikey, anyway. Sometimes you just have to dive in. "Mikes?"
"Don't worry about it. I'll get over it." Mikey doesn't look up from the comic. He sounds strangely resigned.
Ray feels like his rib cage is squeezing his lungs. "Mikey, it's not-"
"I really don't want to talk about it." Mikey cuts him off but he doesn't sound angry. He just sounds flat, which is somehow worse. He still isn't looking up.
Ray gives up on words. His heart pounding somewhere up near his throat and echoing in his ears, he fits his hands to Mikey's cheeks. His fingers look thick and dark against Mikey's delicate cheekbones. He puts the tiniest amount of pressure behind his hand until Mikey moves with it, tilting his head to meet Ray's gaze. There's dust streaked on his face and his eyes look a little bloodshot from the sun. Annoyance and then confusion flicker across his features.
He's so fucking pretty.
Ray takes a breath, licks his lips, and leans in.
As a first kiss it's a little awkward because Mikey is so not with the program. He squeaks into Ray's mouth and their noses bump. He starts to pull back but Ray holds him there, his fingers gentle and firm along the line of Mikey's chin.
There's a moment where it's too still and Ray starts to freak out a little, thinking he's totally misjudged this, that he's just made everything worse.
Then Mikey starts to kiss him back. He tilts his head so their lips can meet properly, his mouth softening and opening under Ray's and it's good. Really, really fucking good. There's the lightest scraping of stubble against Ray's chin and then Mikey's tongue slips into his mouth. Ray's body goes liquid and one of his hands moves to the back of Mikey's neck, the other sliding down Mikey's chest to rest on his hip.
It's not like kissing a girl, because Mikey's not a girl. There aren't any soft curves under Ray's hands, no breasts pressing into his chest. Instead, he's got the hard ridge of Mikey's hipbone under his thumb, Mikey's body pressed against him, firm in a way that makes Ray want to get closer, to rub on him, and get some friction. And fuck, Mikey is so, so good at this. He slides his fingers into Ray's hair, tugging at it gently as he nips and sucks on Ray's bottom lip. Ray stifles a moan into Mikey's mouth.
Mikey slides down onto his back, tugging Ray with him, over him, so they're fitted together right down to their tangled legs.
Ray leans up on his elbow, cupping Mikey's cheek and just looking at him for a beat. His eyes are dark and his mouth is wet, obscene and gorgeous. Mikey covers Ray's hand with his own, arching up to take Ray's mouth again, brushing his other hand down Ray's back in one smooth motion.
Fuck, it's been so long since Ray's been touched like this, since he's had another body against his, he didn't even realise how much he's been starving for it.
But it isn't just anyone. It's Mikey. Mikey, who is the grounding wire of their little chosen family. Mikey, whose life has been tied with Ray's for so long he can't separate the strands anymore. Mikey, whose mouth is moving hot and eager over Ray's. They're crushed so close Ray can feel Mikey's heartbeat through his shirt, his hard-on pressing against Ray's leg. Mikey's not even trying to hide it and somehow that just makes it even hotter.
Mikey's rougher than Ray's used to. He pushes things forward faster, sliding his fingers under Ray's shirt and grinding up on him. It's weird; Ray's used to calling the shots, taking things easy and making sure he isn't going too far too fast.
Mikey just shoves his hand down the back of Ray's jeans and grabs his ass, breaking the kiss to whisper hot in Ray's ear, "It's about fucking time."
A short laugh escapes Ray's mouth. "I'm a little slow, sorry," he manages to say, a smile stretching his lips, wide and beaming.
Mikey lies back, his eyes warm on Ray's face as he strokes his thumb over Ray's bottom lip. He's smiling, soft and almost wistful. "You know, I'd pretty much given up on this ever happening."
"Mikey, I'm s-" Mikey's thumb presses firm on Ray's lips, silencing him.
"Don't. Later. We'll talk later," he promises, before he arches up and replaces his thumb with his mouth, silencing Ray effectively.
Any words Ray has are erased with the slide of Mikey's tongue and the stroke of his fingers down Ray's belly, into his jeans. Ray chokes on a moan, breaking the kiss to pant against Mikey's cheek. Fuck, it's going so fast. Mikey thumbs open the button on Ray's jeans and gets his hand inside, not bothering to tease, pushing straight into his underwear.
Fuck, his fingers are just as rough and knowing as Ray hoped and his calluses feel fucking awesome on Ray's cock. Ray slumps down, his forehead pressing against Mikey's as he stutters out uneven breaths onto his lips.
"Fuck, Mikey, I've thought about this." Heat crawls over his chest and face at the admission, but there's no point hiding it now.
Mikey's mouth quirks up on one side and he rolls up against Ray. "Really?"
Ray's "yeah" turns into a moan when Mikey's thumb finds that spot right under Ray's cockhead. It's so good his vision blurs for a moment and he nearly misses Mikey saying, "Me too."
Ray has to kiss him then, trying to ignore the voice in his head that's screaming he could have had this years ago. What the fuck was wrong with him?
He rocks down into Mikey's hand, groping for his jeans and belt to return the favour. It takes longer than it should to get them open blind because he refuses to give up Mikey's mouth, but he gets there. He does break the kiss then, tasting salt on his palm as he licks it, slicking it up so he can jerk Mikey off.
He catches Mikey watching him, eyes shot with need. "Jesus, Ray." His voice is small, awed, desperate.
Ray feels pretty much the same. He leans on his elbow over Mikey, sliding his hand between them to fit his fingers to an unfamiliar cock. He can't take his eyes off Mikey's face as he finds his grip, the way his eyelids flutter, the way he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and chews on it. Ray strokes him once, gently, and Mikey bucks up under his hand, huffing out a needy moan. His eyes don't shift from Ray's face, like he's just laying it all out there for Ray to see. It should be scary, too intimate, too much too soon, but it's not.
It's just Mikey letting Ray see exactly what he's doing to him. Ray moves his hand, stroking harder, faster, wanting to see more.
Mikey chokes out a moan, grabbing Ray by the back of the neck and kissing him deep, needy. Ray kisses back just as hard, palming the head of Mikey's dick between strokes, switching his grip until Mikey groans into his mouth and he knows he's got the right angle. Mikey's strokes become loose, erratic, as Ray slides his thumb up Mikey's shaft, working his cock rhythmically. Mikey falls into time with him as easily as when they’re playing, their wet noises and breathing sounding better than any song.
Mikey breaks the kiss, tossing his head, his hand coming up in an abortive motion that Ray recognises as the hand signal for 'turn it up'.
So Ray does, speeding his hand. Fuck, Mikey's so turned on he's leaking under Ray's fingers. Ray uses it for slick, jacking Mikey faster, until he's groaning and writhing under Ray, covered in sweat and panting out hot breaths that tickle Ray's overheated skin.
Mikey's so close to breaking. Ray can feel it in the way he's trembling, the erratic push of his hips under Ray's hands. Ray jerks him faster, working his hand until he can feel the pulse and tighten under his fingers, Mikey's moaning against his cheek. He covers Mikey's mouth with his own and swallows the noises he makes as he comes apart, thrusting up into Ray's hand and spilling hot over his fingers.
Ray's head spins; he's so fucking hot that he feels lightheaded as he stares down at his hand covered in come that's not his own. It should probably freak him out a little, but right now it's just hot.
Mikey doesn't wallow in the afterglow for long. His hands starts moving on Ray's dick, pulling a choked noise from Ray’s mouth as he rocks down against him. Mikey's lips curl into a smile, pressed wet against Ray's cheek as he jerks Ray off, swiping his hand through his own come to slick his fingers. The extra slide is so good Ray's own groan surprises him.
"Fuck yes, Ray. Fuck, you should see yourself. So fucking gorgeous." Mikey's voice is a wicked whisper in Ray's ear. Ray can't imagine how awful he must look, skin blotchy with heat rash, his hair a sweaty mess, three days of stubble on his chin, but when he opens his eyes Mikey's gaze is hot on his face and he's looking at Ray like he's the best thing he's ever seen.
Fuck, Ray could take so much more of that.
He kisses Mikey then, because he needs it like air. He tightens his grip on Mikey's hipbones, rocking down into Mikey's hands, groaning into his mouth. Fuck, Mikey's fingers, they're undoing him, picking him out like notes on his bass and Ray's fucking vibrating under his hands.
"Shit. Shit, Mikey I'm gonna-"
"Do it." Mikey's words are both encouragement and command and it's all Ray needs. He shoves down into Mikey's grip once, twice more, then fuck-oh-fuck he's coming, shooting into Mikey's fingers, his body curling down over Mikey's, their teeth clashing together on a messy half-kiss.
He's breathing too hard to kiss Mikey properly. He winds up with his face tucked into Mikey's neck, panting hot breath all over his collarbone while he waits for his heart to slow down. Mikey's hands slip up the back of Ray's shirt, fingers warm on Ray's torso as he presses up against him in a firm hug. Ray lifts Mikey off the floor enough to slide his arms under him, squeezing him back hard and warm.
He should feel overwhelmed. It was all such a frantic rush, it should be too much. But it's not. It's not like this is a first fucking date. It's Mikey, and they already know everything about each other.
He rolls onto his back with a full body sigh, jeans open and come everywhere but he doesn't care. Mikey curls into Ray's side and Ray wraps his arm around him. And they just fit like that. Like all these years Ray's been trying to fit a Mikey shaped piece into the puzzle of his life upside down, and now he's finally turned it 180 degrees.
Ray's heart rate has almost settled down to normal when Mikey breaks the silence. "Tell me something true, Ray Toro."
It's an old game, but a good one.
"I think," Ray says, without missing a beat, one hand scratching absently at Mikey's hair. "I think I'm happy."
Mikey twines his fingers with Ray's, turning his head to meet Ray's eyes. He gives him one of his rare wide smiles, showing all his teeth, lighting him up from the inside.
"Yeah," Mikey agrees, "I think I am too."
Epilogue
Third Summer, 2019
Mikey stalks out of the diner, outwardly calm, but Ray can tell from the stiffness in his back that it's only a facade. He's so fucking stubborn sometimes. Of course Ray can be just as bad, so he can't talk.
Their footsteps kick up dust, dirtying Ray's boots as he follows Mikey outside to his bike. He squints into the bright sunlight that paints a halo around Mikey's blonde hair.
Gerard doesn't follow them outside. He knows he's lost this fight already. Ray has too. Mikey's set on running solo this time and Ray's isn't allowed to think about all the different ways this could blow up in their faces. He doesn't trust Tommy Chow Mein – people who only exist as lines on a screen don't rate in Ray's opinion – but Mikey's being immoveable and Ray doesn't have a better plan.
Ray wets his lips against the dry wind, sucking in air to fuel one more argument for why he should go with Mikey. Mikey hangs his helmet on the handlebars of his bike, turning to face Ray.
"You sure about this?" Ray asks, because fuck, Ray sure isn't.
"Don't start." Mikey warns, shifting on his feet and looking up at Ray with steel in his eyes, "We've had this argument already, remember? You lost."
"I didn't lose, it was forfeit." Ray counters. He lets his mouth twitch up at the side and that puts a crack in Mikey's stony demeanour.
"Technicalities." Mikey mutters carelessly, reaching up to slide a hand into Ray's hair. "C'mere."
The words hit Ray's lips on a breath, because he's already leaning in, one hand cupping Mikey's cheek as their lips meet, warm, smooth and easy. He tells himself this isn't their last kiss, Mikey will come back, he always does. Some part of him is memorising it anyway, just in case - all the little details.
The slick slide of Mikey's tongue in his mouth, the light rasp of stubble as their chins brush, Mikey's moan, too soft to hear over the wind, but Ray can feel it against his lips as Mikey opens up for him. He can't help himself, he pushes until he's got Mikey up against his bike, until Mikey's fingers are digging into his bicep, tight in his hair. Kissing him hard enough to imprint it on both of them, something to hang onto until Mikey gets back.
When their lips part, Ray tilts his head, pressing their foreheads together, sharing breath. He slides his thumb over Mikey's cheekbone, his voice coming out deep and giving too much away, "Come back to me, okay?"
Mikey just smiles up at him, wide and gorgeous. "I always do."
Ray echoes the grin, sending a prayer up to anyone who's listening that Mikey's run will be clear of dracs, gunfire and blood.
Mikey's fingers trace down Ray's arm, catching Ray's hand and giving it a squeeze before he turns away to put on his helmet. Ray takes a step back, watching the familiar ritual as Mikey mounts up, his shiny helmet glinting in the sunlight as he turns to give Ray a final nod, then revs his bike and takes off.
Ray watches the dust trail bloom up behind Mikey's bike as he jets away from the diner, fighting the urge to leap on his own bike and follow him.
"So, you and Mikey, hey?"
Ray glances to his side to find he's been joined by Frank. The Frank who is not Fun Ghoul, but Frank. The stowaway from 2005 who's too young, too clueless and reminds Ray too much of everything they've lost.
This Frank from Before is standing barefoot in the hot stand, staring at Ray without blinking. No doubt he's just figured out that somewhere in his future Ray is going to finally realise that the one thing missing from his life wasn't actually missing at all. He was right beside Ray the whole fucking time.
Ray's mouth twitches up at the side at the irony of it all. He thought he had everything, and lost it all, but it's only now, in this dire reality, that he's actually figured out what he needs to be happy.
"Yeah," he says to Frank, unable to fight the small smile that pulls at his lips, "Me and Mikey."
(end)
More fic in this 'verse here
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Of course I loved the Frank/Gerard moments, but it was truly Ray and Mikey's story in a really positive and interesting way. Their pain and confusion was still engaging to read, even though I knew the ending.
I loved the intercrossing of the two stories in the epilogue: 'Frank. The stowaway from 2005 who's too young, too clueless and reminds Ray too much of everything they've lost'.
I for one would fully support more in this verse. How do Mikey and Ray get together in the alternate future once Frank returns to his time?
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I'm happy to hear that the Frank/Gerard didn't steal the focus of the story, because this is Ray and Mikey's story and I wanted to show how it was harder for them, and how Ray's feelings didn't fit with what he saw his life as being.
Also I'm chuffed you liked the epilogue - it was a last minute addition that I basically wrote the night before my posting date and I like the way it ties the threads of the verse together.
I think it's pretty obvious that I'm quite taken with this verse! I think if I pen another timetravelverse story it will likely be the two weeks 2019 Frank spends in 2005, though I'd like to try it from 2005 Gerard's point-of-view. We'll see.
Thanks so much for a lovely comment and for continuing to read all this crazy.
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I'd love to see how Frank manages once he gets back to his own time. How does he cope with the knowledge he has? and can he wait patiently for Gerard to be ready?
xxxx
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I loved the appearance of 2005!Frank at the end, and all the other references to the first story, and getting more of a sense of the lives they're leading in this verse.
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I'm chuffed you liked the epilogue - it was a last minute addition, not even my beta got to see it until it was posted. I'm glad you got the references to the other story and I love that you are enjoying the verse.
♥
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Thank so so much for a lovely comment and I'm so glad you liked it. ♥
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I loved all the little echoes of the previous parts of the verse, the Absinth projectile vomit from the party you mentionned, and that last scene.
There was a moment there when I was waiting for Fun Ghoul to appear in 2005 but then I remember that's not how your time works *g*
This was really cool, almost quiet but at the same time happy and satisfying. WELL DONE!!! (Now, Fun Ghoul's pov for next year's BBB, yeah? :D)
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I had way too much fun tying this in to the existing verse, thinking of the events that were going to happen, and how to tell them from Ray's POV.
Heee, yeah my beta commented that they were waiting for Fun Ghoul too, but remember - James Cameron got it wrong! My time travel isn't cyclical.
LOL - don't encourage me! I am still toying with the idea of writing the 2 weeks Fun Ghoul spends in 2005, but for some STUPID reason I want to tell it from Gerard's POV. Because apparently I hate myself and I like to be difficult.
Oh girl, thank you so much for reading and commenting! You're the best. ♥
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But then I read that the summary and I realized that even though there was going to be parts of the fic on the Killjoys 'verse, there will be other parts where they're just the guys from MCR, so I decided to give it a shot.
And god, I'm so glad I did. This story felt like your Pete/Mikey fics feel to me. Allow me to elaborate. I love your porn. You know I do. it's the reason why I friended you in the first place. But when you write Pete/Mikey, it's always more about their feelings for each other, and it's never easy, and it always has some complexity to it, and THAT'S what makes the porn so good.
And okay, Mikey was half of the pairing in this fic, so maybe that's how you write Mikey. I like it so much because it's obvious but subtle; because Mikey's not as loud as Gerard or Frank, so you have to really pay attention. He won't flat out tell you what he wants, but the body language is there, and there are hints, but he won't set himself up for rejection so he gives you the option to just pretend you didn't notice if you don't want what he's offering.
And I can't stress enough how glad I am that you made Ray take his sweet fucking time before realizing that what he wanted/needed was right under his nose. I realize this is fiction, so I understand when in most fics one of the characters confesses their love to another, and surprise! It turns out that the other character was secretly in love, too. Or if not in love, at the very least they're interested.
But it makes sense that someone like Ray wouldn't jump immediately at the chance of hooking up with Mikey. He didn't even know he could be into guys, and Mikey was like his brother, so of course he was going to be careful because this is Ray; who's level-headed and who actually thinks before he acts and who cares about the consequences of his actions. So to me he wasn't oblivious, not really. He just needed to be 100% sure. And maybe, if the attacks hadn't happened, it wouldn't have taken him so much time. But he went trough the end of the world as he knew it, and he had to focus on surviving, so it's only reasonable that figuring out his feelings for Mikey wasn't at the top of his list of priorities.
This was gorgeous, sweetie. Amazing job, as per usual.
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I am so chuffed that you are familiar enough with all my stuff that you have these thinky thoughts about how I write the boys. It's true though, I definitely do have a spin on Mikey that he is quieter, more thoughtful, less likely to act. I love what you said about how he's not as loud, so you really need to pay attention - that is SO completely how I feel, so it's awesome that you got that from the fic (or rather, fics.)
I totally agree with you that Ray WOULD take his sweet fucking time, because in my mind he IS going to think hard before acting, he's never identified as being anything but straight and this is all so new and scary to him. And yes, they are brothers, their lives are tied together so tightly Ray had better be fucking sure if he's going to embark on this thing.
Oh man, Laura my sweet and I'm so so happy you read this, thank you so much for another incredible review and I'm so PLEASED you took a chance on it and I'm SO fucking ecstatic you liked it. *hugs you tight*
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This is such a great addiction to the verse. I really liked that Ray didn't get with Mikey immediately, and that in his mind he was straight, and yet that attraction was always there, hiding in the background so it wasn't a total flip when he eventually admitted to how he felt.
The masturbation scenes. Gah, especially the one where Ray realises Mikey has been watching and is jerking off too. So damn hot. I also liked the smaller details, Mikey's origami, Gerard always having Mikey's back, the admissions of being scared.
This was just gorgeous, and I enjoyed it so much.
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I'm so incredibly pleased you consider this a great addition to the 'verse. I don't know that I've ever been THIS nervy about a fic I've posted before, it's such a departure in style for me, plus it's a less popular pairing, so I was really worried about it.
Gah, I'm so glad you liked the wanking scenes. I had no idea when I embarked on writing the Ray/Mikey backstory that it was going to involve QUITE so much of Ray with his hand on his dick, but I go where my muse takes me! So glad you liked all the little details, over protective Gerard and all.
*hearts; Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I'm so happy you liked it bb. ♥
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Seriously, it's amazing.
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Thanks so much for the awesome feedback and I'm so happy you love the verse, because I am starting to wonder if I will ever be able to stop writing in it. ♥
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You're welcome! It's fast becoming my favorite thing ever, for serious. <3
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and the way you ended it agh
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I LOVE the set-up, from the earlier days, how it's all tied up in Ray's position within the band with respect to his sexuality, how you address it in a way that leads to comfortable mockery (Frank) and support (Gerard) and a surprisingly candid offer from Mikey. I was DEFINITELY surprised by Mikey's offer, and that was a great feeling, to be right with Ray that whole time.
And all the TIME and DISTANCE that passes between them, even in the same band together - watching Mikey and Pete stumble into the side of the bumper, watching Frank and Gerard get together, Mikey's reaction when Ray tells the DJ that he's straight, even talking about how much they miss sex, Ray thinking about that offer Mikey made, but still not making his move. It was just so much more realistic that way - there's SO much riding on it, and Ray seems like someone who really overthinks that shit, so it seems udnerstandable that he'd never make a move. BOYS ;___________________;
The descriptions and imagery were SO incredible, especially in parts like Ray sitting against the bus wheel with his foot in the streetlight, or the image of the mushroom cloud over LA or the dust storm, the FEELING of being stuck inside while it rages. Things like this:
His phone sits in his pocket, heavy and useless.
Kind of broke my heart, showing those stark differences between the two worlds, reminding me of all the ways that the first story broke my heart. I like the pattern of "Tell me something true, Ray" and how Mikey says "I can see what I need to" when he watches Ray blearily from his bedroll, the things that make them dynamic characters, that make me really care for them.
Mikey doesn't even flinch. He doesn't even pretend not to be looking at Ray. Ray watches, unable to tear his eyes away despite the heat burning in his cheeks, as Mikey sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.
Then Ray notices the way the sheet in front of Mikey's crotch is shifting, the way his arm is moving.
Fuck. Mikey's jerking off, right now, right in front of Ray.
JESUS CHRIST THIS PART. It was SO HOT. I loved all the sensory details of Ray touching himself, and just the FEELING, that tension RATCHETING UP when he meets Mikey's eyes, how FORWARD it is of Mikey to suck his lip and meet Ray's gaze like that. UNNNNNF. And when they get together again, I love the contrasts, for Ray, how Mikey's rougher and faster and different. AND THIS:
Ray's mouth twitches up at the side at the irony of it all. He thought he had everything, and lost it all, but it's only now, in this dire reality, that he's actually figured out what he needs to be happy.
♥_____________________________; BOYS. BOYYYYYS. This totally stole my heart. Thank you for writing it!
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I'm SO ecstatic that you were primed for the Mikey/Ray story from this verse. There was a small number of you who were and you have no idea how much just KNOWING that you wanted to read it helped me write and finish it, y'know?
I'm so glad that Ray's journey with the whole Mikey thing really came through, I really wanted it to be about Ray being stuck in this straight mindset and not really considering it, except when he's totally by himself and doesn't have to deal with any outcomes. It's weird I spent a lot of time when I was writing this worrying to myself that nothing was HAPPENING, but it wasn't that nothing was happening, it just wasn't happening directly to Ray. He was witnessing the Pete and Mikey thing, he saw Frank and Gerard get together, and through it all he and Mikey were friends... until they weren't.
I'm so used to writing stories that are ALL about the central relationship, so having so much OTHER stuff happening felt like I was going off-topic, but I just really wanted to use this story as a way to see at least some of what happened in the lead up to 2019. The scene where they are in the studio and the first bomb drops was so clear in my mind, I just had to include it. I just really wanted to at least see the START of the fall even if I didn't want to cover it all.
Oh man, that part that you quoted. I am really REALLY happy with how that came out, NGL. Mutual masturbation is SO FUCKING HOT and so under-represented in fic and throw in a little voyeurism and you've got me.
I loved all the sensory details of Ray touching himself, and just the FEELING, that tension RATCHETING UP when he meets Mikey's eyes, how FORWARD it is of Mikey to suck his lip and meet Ray's gaze like that. UNNNNNF. Fuck me, when you put it like that I just love it even MORE. THANK YOU so much for saying that. ♥ ♥
Also, a little side note, that epilogue I wrote the night before posting, because I just really wanted SOMETHING from 2019 to close it at the end.
UGH, thank you SO MUCH for this and I'm so sorry it took me forever to reply. <333333
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